7.15.2006

As Posted On My MySpace Blog...

So uh, I'm channel surfin (cuz you know theres nothin on at 3:59 AM), and I turn to MTV Jams. First all I see is a pair of tire lips and some nostrils that look like they suckin up the pieces of the Ozone that have gone missin. That just happens to be Jay Z's face. (I'm a Jay Stan, so I can say these things) ANYWAY, I watch for a few more seconds then I see what seems to be a outta control birdnest fly across my screen, I was wrong. It was Beyonce's hair. She then commences to go into epileptic seizures through out the duration of the video. She does them standin up. She does them sittin down. She does them layin down. Hell, the bitch even shimmys against the wall, slides down the wall havin a fuckin seizure. She gets behind Jay and has a seizure AGAIN, while hes just spittin his verse like everything is ok. Beyonce is clearly cryin for help. Frankly, I'm scared.



It's clearly time for me to go to bed. =/

7.14.2006

Dave Chappelle On Cribs...

I ain't got shit to blog about. This is better than anything I can come up with to post anyways, so go watch Dave Chappelle on Cribs... you can view it here, bitches.

"I dont really fuck with Africans, cuz they starvin...and thats not ballin to me!"

If I Was President...

Remember in elementary school when they would have you write lil papers like "If I was president" or "If I could wish for anything in the world"...Yeah, I went to public school, but we wrote one of those "If I was president papers". Lookin back on that shit, I have to say we got bamboozled, hoodwinked, ran amok and led a damn stray. Just for the sake of this post though, I'll entertain that foolish ass notion that I, in all my two types of negro ('regular' negro/island negro) could be president.

If I was president...

I'd stay the fuck outta Lebanon and Israel right now-Cause I feel as though the US is about to get that itch and try to go save them Middle-East fools. I say let them muthafuckas blow eachother up. I'm sure when the Watts riots broke out, they wasn't sendin no troops over here to try and help some shit.


I'd also get the fuck outta Iraq. The jig is up. Niggas know we ain't over there for no "weapons of mass destruction", unless "weapons of mass destruction"=oil.

I would NOT fuck with North Korea. Them ma'fuckas is just cravin to sit there aint eat they Kim Chee and Sea Weed and blow some shit to high hell. Kim Jong got a shortman complex outta this world, so where he lackin' in dick size, he tryna make up for in missles. Ya'll president want people to think he ain't gon do nothin. Well, I dont believe you, you need more people.


I would make a national "beat up a white police cop day". Even the innocent ones, just to let em know what would go down if they even tried that racial profile, "i'm-pullin-u-over-cuz-u-got-a-dim-tail-light-but-really-i-just-wanna-send-a-darkie-to-jail-tonight" type shit.


I would make these schools teach the kids some real knowledge. Shit like who really discovered America, who Marcus Garvey was (not just the part where they teach "he wanted niggas to go back to Africa", cuz thats basically what they taught us). Angela Davis, Mumia Abu Jamal, Huey P. Newton...etc. Cuz really, who gives a fuck about Alexander Graham Bell and Ben Franklin and the rest of them caucazoids?


I'd cut BET off. Entirely. It would be banned. Seriously. That is Coon Central over there. Imagine if you didn't know shit about black people, then you watched BET for a whole entire day. You see where I'm goin? Good.


I'd make room in the federal budget to inform niggas about grillz. Grillz are played out kiddies. Whats the point in gettin em? You'll have a REAL nice grill when you 60+...one of those all white, poly-grip grillz anyway. Whats so wrong with some nice straight white teeth?

Oh yeah. I'd deport everybody in G-Unit to Lebanon. Right now.

Mexicans hoppin the border? Nuh-uh. I'd have a couple inmates from the Lousiana state pen standin by the gate that would make Pablo 'nem turn around and take they fucking hot tamales with em.

I guess I might as well make a few jigs happy and legalize Marijuana. Just smoke that shit inside your house is all I'm askin.

I would elect nothin but my family to my cabinet. Cause we just that fuckin ill.

I'd get elected on Friday.

Assasinated on Saturday.

Buried on Sunday.



NOW, WHO WANTS TO WRITE MY NAME ON THE BALLOT?! =)

7.12.2006

This Made My Day...

So on my bi-weekly trip to the mall today, I was fillin up on my Christian Dior J'Adore perfume (which is pure CRACK by the way), and they had a white boy workin the perfume counter. I never seen him before. As a matter of fact, I never seen ANY boy workin the perfume counter. He was a lil Justin Timberlake-esque type cat, and ya'll know white boys are SO not my thing. He was cute though. Cute in a lemme-take-u-home-and-feed-u-some-cornbread type way, not a lemme-take-u-home-and-feed-u-some-labia-bread type way. Anyways, I'm lookin around cause they musta moved the bottles since I last got there or whatever. I finally found it and I point it out to him and he rings it up and stuff and hes all lookin at me and stuff, so you know how hostile I am..I'm thinkin "fuck is this crackajack lookin at?". Then he just blurts out "You. Are. So. Beautiful", my first reaction was to laugh. I dont know why, I just did. I'm like "Thanks, you sposed to be hittin on pregnant chicks while you workin?", he kinda blushed and said "You gotta be the prettiest pregnant chick I've ever seen!", I told him thanks again. Then he rings up my stuff and is like "Hold on", and dips behind the counter. He put my perfume in a BIG ass Dillards bag, then he puts like two other things in the bag. I pay him and then hes like "The blue bag is for the baby"...I'm like "Okay", just laughin kinda. Then hes like "You be careful, and have a good day"...I'm like "You too"...when I got in the car I looked in the bag, and he gave me a HUGE ass baby blue Polo bag, and this Dior gift set with shower gel, a 40oz bottle of J'Adore and some Dior powder. Cuz you know they keep the good stuff behind the counter for when they have specials and shit...but How fuckin' sweet of him was that?

7.11.2006

Dr. Dre, I Am Not...

So I really do wish muthafuckas would stop askin to "Let me ride". Since I'm quite sure (quite=99.99999%) that at least one of ya'll took that as a sexual undertone, lemme clarify. Why, oh why, do people insist on callin/textin me around...ohh eleven-ish askin me one of two questions..."are you up?" and/or "can you do me a favor?"...now eleven-ish is still early mornin if you ask me, so my answer to number one is "fuck naw" or simply no reply at all, and then number two...sometimes just outta curiosity I ask what it is they want me to do. Nine times out of ten (this is no hyperbole, folks...these are actual figures that I sat down and did the equations and mathematical expressions for!)Ok. Not really. Fuck ya'll though, I can get my *Republican Party on if I want to! Anyway, nine times out of ten, they have interrupted my peaceful, probably perverted dreamin' sleep for what? A FUCKING RIDE. Yes. As if I'm sposed to get up out the bed, take them whereever they desire to go(and they probably want me to do this for free, when gas is $2.87). THEN, this is the best part...some of these walkin bums have the nerve to get mad when I tell them "No" or "I dont feel like it". I don't lie, I don't tell em the famous "I aint got no gas, potna". I'm straight up with it. I aint got no sticker on the side of my car that says "HEY NIGGAS! CALL ME FOR A FREE RIDE--ESPECIALLY BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 8 AND 11AM!". One of these pedestrian ass ma'fuckas went so far as to text me around 10:01AM, and ask me to go to the store and get them some Peanutbutter and bring it to them. I quickly hopped up, got a mirror and stared at it for hours, tryna see who the fuck she thought I looked like, cause it couldnta been Dominique. Or Nique. Or any variation thereof. I know, I know...next is the famous "I would do it for you!", well guess what jig? You dont have to! So theres no use in contemplatin on what could be. You better get on some Lupe Fiasco, Skate Board P type shit, cause the taxi cab that you think I'm drivin does NOT exist. Thats why God created public transportation. Damn hecklers!



* like you ain't know the Republican Party be givin out these fake ass percentage numbers from their "research".

7.09.2006

..& i feel like this

"I been real all my life
They confuse it wit conciet
Since I will not lose, they try to help em cheat
But I will not lose, for even in defeat
Is a valuable lessoned learned, so it evens it up for me"

-Jay Z "The Blueprint 2".


As I sit here and write this fuckin 8 page research paper... I got a overwhelmin' desire to just plagarise the whole entire shit. BUT I WILL NOT LOSE DAMNIT!

trippin with no map

I been trippin like, alot. Hormones? Probably. Stressed about school? Definitely. I need to de-stress, and I have no fuckin idea how. =/


Oh yeah. Thank ya'll for all the comments & shit...makes a nigga feel appreciated lol.