6.23.2006

chokeslam fridays: volume 2

Study this pic, and the caption on it. Then come back. I'll be waitin...




Done? Ok. There are several things wrong with this picture. The most obvious of which, is that these are NIGGAS. COONS. JIGS. PORCH MONKIES. KNUCKLE DRAGGIN YARD APES.*insert random slur here*. Maybe this is the conspiracy theory in me, but I won't believe for one damn second that these illiterate negros "plotted" anything. These look like some extras from the Rick Ross "Hustlin" video. Fuck that! IS THAT Rick Ross?! (top row-second from left) HOMEGROWN TERROR? The only homegrown shit these niggas know about is WEED and WATERMELON. You want me to believe that they called up Ladi Dadi (Bin Laden), and asked him to help them bomb the Sears tower? I can only imagine that fuckin conversation. If I had to pick a leader, I'd pick ol 5percenter bearded negro (top row, second from the left). He just looks BOSS-AY! (how you love dat shit, RED? LoL) I'm guessin he made the phonecall.

Bossnegro: Ay, Ladi. We wanna bomb the Sears Towers.
Ladi Dadi: CREZLAFALAFUANAHFA!
Bossnegro: Yeah, nigga. Sears fired Ray-Ray babymomma last week! We gon get deez hos!
Ladi Dadi: *silent*

See? It just don't sit right. At all. Two of these cats look like niggas from MY hood in Florida. C'mon now. Black people just dont DO this type of shit. How a nigga that dont got a diploma gonna try and set fire to any damn thing, except a blunt? Do any of em even LOOK coherent or half-sober in that pic? I think not. Yeah, yeah...those are mugshots, whatever. When I went to jail, I was ALERT as a muthafucka, eyes wide the fuck open...eyes was so wide you could look through my pupil and see my next thought. No lie. Then they throw Pras from the Fugees (bottom left) and Slim Thug (top left) in the line up? I promise you, again...each and every one of these niggas has a shirt that says "Stop Snitchin", "Hustlin" or "Good Job Miami heat!". There-in lies my purpose for this bein the object of chokeslam fridays, because whoever authorized the arrests of these niggas obviously needs to be choke slammed. You want me to think Da'Quan and them tryna blow some shit up? Just like you want me to believe we at war wit Iraq for a purpose, Huh? Ho, Sit down!

Dont believe the hype!!




* and I was JUST about to leave the house, till I seen this shit on MSN.

i shoulda dropped this cop...

Picture this. Nice sunny day, bout 90 degrees. I live RIGHT next door to a car wash..I'm talkin about no more than 10 feet if you climb out my window. It also just happens to be the most crunkdafied car-wash on the Middle-East side, which I think is due to me livin so close to it...but thats neither here nor there =x. So anyway, me in my "Its Hard Out Here For A Pimp", tee and some B-Ball shorts, lookin THUGGED THE FUCK OUT heads over to the car wash. Now, mind you...its still daylight, so this is when the *W.F.'s are out, you know negros run from the sun-light. Anyway I proceed to wash my car, then I drive to the vaccuum cleaner. So you know me, I got my music up to like 3 notches below the maximum. Why? Cause FUCK the law, thats why! We have this gay ass "Noise Pollution" law here, where the Clops--I mean cops, can give you a ticket if your shit is so many decibals high. My thing is, how the fuck they know how many decibals MY shit is? Back to the story though. Theres a white boy like 3 cleaners down from me, sound like he playin "The AmityVille Horror" Soundtrack or some shit...its some ol "RAHHHHHHH! ZOOBAAAAH! DEVIL TAKE ME AWAYY!!" type rock music. It is loud.as.fuck. So, I'm shoulder leanin' and vaccuumin, and then I see the piggly wiggly. I aint thinkin shit about em...again, why? CAUSE FUCK EM! Thats why! So the oinker jumps out they ol faggot ass SCOOP WAGON (we call em scoop-wagons cause they STAY scoopin niggas up and droppin em in the back of them shits!) And he proceeds to me. Now, I dont know if its cause it was sunny, or cause his neck is just red...but this muthafucka had THE REDDEST NECK I have ever seen in my LIFE. I sighed. He said "Are you aware of the Kansas noise law...blah blah" I'm like yeah. He looks at me for a full like 45 seconds. I think this is where hes makin assumptions in his head...like "She looks like one of those gang-bangin, negro females". Then he TELLS me to turn my music down. I don't like bein told to do shit. I look to the left and 666-the omen-devil-music-white-boy's music is still goin strong. Then he does the drivers license, registration thing...comes back and is like "You go to KU?" I hate the police yo, I admit I could be cordial to em. But most of em are fuckin pigs. Like this one. I go "Is that gonna get this ticket cleared?" He said "No", and I said "Well write the ticket then", he gives me the sneer...like a Elvis lip spasm thang goin. He says "The people in that *points to my house* are probably the ones who called me over here. Not everyone wants to hear your music". I say "The people who live there didnt call you. Because I live there", he double takes at my drivers license. I shut his fat ass up. Then I say "Are you gonna write that guy a ticket too? Maybe everyone doesnt wanna hear Def Zebra"...I fucked the name up on purpose, just to see if I could get a rise out of him. "I don't think thats Def LEPPARD, and its not your business if I write it", I told him I wasn't signin that ticket unless he told Whitey-Mcwhite pants to turn his shit down, or write him a ticket. "You know I can get you for obstruction of justice, don't you?". How fuckin dumb did this piglet think I was? Cmon. I told him flat out. "No you can't. My Dad is a lawyer, and I know the law well enough to know when you can and cannot get me for obstruction". Thats clearly a lie. My Pops sells fuckin luxury/sports cars. Whatever. Tom-ay-to. Tom-ah-to. He writes the rest of the ticket, snatches it off the clip board, and informs me that I don't have to sign. Which I already know. I signed it though. Because I knew my claim wouldnt hold up shit in court. Piggy McFatback gets back in his cruiser. I'm mean muggin the fuck outta him with this $190.00 ticket in my hand. Then he reaches down, grabs a clip board with the bright yellow ticket paper on it...and heads over to Whitey Mcwhite pants. Mission-a-fuckin-complished. I hate the pigs yo. I kinda think Mcwhite pants called the cops on me. Cause he WAS on his cell phone and got off a few seconds before the Lo-Pice came. So he got a ticket. I wonder what woulda happened if I woulda been wearin a "Stop Snitchin" shirt.


*W.F.'s=white folks.

6.21.2006

the "severe thunderstorm list"...

I was gonna wait till 12am, so it could look like I didn't post twice in one day...but fuck that. With no further ado...


1.they cancelled the severe thunderstorm warnin'
2.so why does it sound and look like the Book Of Revelations is comin to pass outside my window?
3. i bit my mouth, and now i keep bitin the same spot
4. its a hard knock life
5. "Do you think I meant to hurt you? Nooooo!"
6. special thanks to everybody who added me on myspace =)
7. kinda dumb of yall though. for all you know i could be some crazed psycho trackin your every move. haha. just jokin. or am i? *eye brow raises*
8. is it just me or is Makin The Band 3 some borin ass shit?
9. i miss dylan =(
10. "Raggadedonga!" - Dylan.
11. "We used to live in love, but now we're afraid--of the darkness & bitter memories, lovers who crushed us through infidelity"- LL Cool J.
12. thats the troof in the boof!
13. i like Chingy & Tyrese's song =/
14. is that bad for hip hop?
15. do rappers REALLY care if cristal doesn't want them drinkin their shit?
16. i dont think Kimora cares too much.
17. my cousin in the Chi called me today
18. she wants me to come and stay with her
19. "Different day same shit, aint nothin good in the hood, I'd run away from this bitch and never come back if I could"- Fiddy Pennies.
20. as much as I'm anti-50, thats my motto right now.
21. why won't they gimmie my own reality show?
22. film school is next on the agenda.
23. the white lady at walmart carded me when i tried to buy a rated R dvd
24. i almost "Hyyyy-uken!"-ed her ass
25. remember that shit? STREET FIGHTER, NIGGA!
26. which reminds me. "SEEEGA!"
27. i was told i was too crunk today
28. to which i replied "HO SIT DOWN!"
29. the Lil Jon "Snap Ya Fingers" video really makes me feel like i snorted some shit i shouldn't have. all those goddamn colors.
30. i cant help but feel like im wastin my life sometimes
31. i think i need to map out a plan or somethin
32. after i eat this cheesecake
33. "I would never turn my back or turn you down, even if you turn around muthafucka"-Weezy.
34. man, i miss my dawgs.
35. i talk alot of shit, but im still sensitive.
36. how is that possible?
37. "Sensitive thugs, ya'll all need hugs!" - Jay
38. if i see one more bitch wit her ass and titties jigglin in my face in a Hip Hop video...
39. lets get creative, people!
40. anybody remember Marc Dorsey?
41. bein black is the new trend
42. but if you wanna be black, theres certain things you HAVE to know
43. you MUST be able to name at LEAST 4 stars from "Harlem Nights"
44. and chicken is NOT a pre-req
45. its still stormin
46. the thunder scares me.
47. yea... thunder
48. did she really text me at 11:30AM and tell me she didnt have peanut butter?
49. and then get mad when i told her my "fucking name aint Benson"?
50. for anybody who was debatin it...YES,hot bubble baths are the shit
51. i love my mommy
52. "Mommy, I just want you to know, I love you so, if you wasnt here, I'd love your soul...my angel, Mommy I'd die faithful..just knowin somebody tried to violate you"
53. "Drink gatorade, not haterade!"- My Mommy
54. "Sis, dont let em catch you RIDIN DURTAYYYY!"- My Pops
55. yes yes, my family is the shit wit no toilet
56. Teej. Listing helps. It really does.
57. they hated on me cuz i'd rather watch "Science Of The Bible", than "Belly"
58. ignant lil shitheads
59. everytime my son kicks, i smile =)
60. fuck what they say. DO YOU!

my space-1, nique-0

So uh. I tried to grace you lovely folks and add you to my friends list. Soon as I click on "add to friends", HO SPACE takes me to the home page. *shakes fist*
For anybody who cares, or doesn't care and just doesn't have shit else to do...

http://www.myspace.com/shezwaymoreflythanu

See if it does the same thing to you. I got owned.

6.20.2006

take dat...take dat

I never been much of a group worker. Like in class when we had to work with groups, I hated it. Mainly cause I'm bossy as shit and I pretty much want everything done my way. So today in class we had to work as a group and come up with conclusions to this literary journal we read. So I sat there with my lame ass group, not sayin shit. There were these questions on a worksheet that we had to answer, so they comin up with answers out loud and shit and writin em down. Well, time comes to present em and I aint said shit the whooooole work-time...so once we get up there and everybody says their part...they hand me the last question. The question with no answer written down. I gave those mothafuckas a Damien from "The Omen" type look and proceeded to answer the question off the top of my lil Floridian head. So when I'm done freestylin my answer, my teacher is like "That is probably the best interpretation I've heard on this literary journal yet". My hatin ass group members look at me. I thumbs-upped they asses. In my mind I'm on some P. Diddy "take dat, take dat hahaaaa!" shit. Try to play the NIQUE THE KIDDSKI? Negative!


On the other side....any body good at dream interpretations? I had a dream bout Hova last night. I seen this nigga and Beyonce in the parkin lot of everybodys favorite store, Wal-Mart. I go "Ya'll ARE SO CUTE!" somehow, B dissapears and me and Hov and like 3 of my homeboys are in the car headin to God knows where, and outta nowhere Hov is like "If I aint have all this dough, would you like me though?" and I told him he wasnt cute, & it wasnt the dough. *looks around the room* I gotta stop eatin pork before I go to bed.


p.s.

So um. Im back on myspace. Anybody got a myspace page? I wanna see you bloggers outside of this blog...um...bloggation? Whatever.

6.18.2006

real quick...

I wanna tell all the REAL Daddies out there Happy Fathers Day. Cuz there aint many men who stand up and take care of whats theirs now a days. So enjoy ya day and try to get some sex or somethin. =)