chokeslam fridays

Salutations blogheads. Well, here it is friday. wooo! *sways* [its friiiiday and im ready to swang] But F all that. Got business to attend to. Refer to the post about S.F.I.'s to know what I'm talkin about. The S.F.I. team has apparently inducted a new member. My Childs Father's Mama. This freckle faced bald head scally wag (aight, she aint bald but...whatever) done came outta pocket on me! She called me yesterday...this is how the conversation went

dopeness: hello?
freckleface: dominique...
dopeness: *makes a face, you know how you do when you on the phone* yeah?...
freckleface: how are you? *doesnt give me a chance to answer* Kevin said that he called you last night and you acted like you didn't know who he was.
dopeness: *puts my krispy kreme down slowly* WHAT?
freckleface: mmm-hmm, well why-
dopeness: BIT--*you know what was comin next, somehow I stopped myself* I couldnt hear him, and next time you talk to him tell him to keep our business our business and quit runnin to you like a child
freckleface: he...hold on for a minute, i got another call
dopeness: ok *hangs up*
dopeness:*presses power button on sidekick*

That was pretty much it. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH BOTH OF THEM? Is my question to ponder today. He too grown to be runnin to his mommy everytime I "do" somethin to him. Lil bitch ass. Then, what was she tryna do? Confront me? Pshht. They must not know who the fuck I am. Niggaz better drive slow. She know my temper as short as your nearest hood rats' hair...so why even try the KIDD like that? *shrugs. So after that lil fiasco, I had to go to the mall and blow off some steam. Thanks to them, I now have $11.00.
Enough of that.

- Beyonce's new song? Ehh. I guess it gotta grow on me. Her lil tremblin voice over a 808 aint exactly what I wanna have bangin out my speakers... I only downloaded it cause I'm a complete and total Jay Stan so..enjoy Beyonce feat. Hov - Deja Vu.

- Yesterday my homeboy told me I cuss too much & it's not ladylike. I thought about it, and hes right. But fuck that shit, I gotta do me.

- I gotta give a speech on Tuesday. I know it's only Friday, but the speech is gonnna be about my Grandpas Funeral and how all throughout it, my 6 year old cousin kept screamin "I'M THE DOO DOO MAN!".

- I want my ears peirced today. Seein as how I got 6556533.312 holes in my ear, I dont see where its gonna fit. I want a bar this time. My mama told me that I'm "Not one of them white folks" so I need to stop gettin shit peirced =/

Have a good weekend, chumps.


just cuz i love jugg...

From the X3 flick, in case anybody ain't seen it yet. Gotta say, they basically raped the funny outta it. That British accent=mad un-threatenin'. Juggs would NEVER sound like that. Leave it to Hollywood to fuck some shit up!


I hate grown men who do childish shit. Childish shit like call my phone 5 minutes ago (From Iraq), mind you and get mad when I can't hear shit on that FUCKED UP ass reception. I'm all like "Huh? Who is this?" This bitch nigga "NEVA-MIND!" and hangs up. You don't fuckin hang up on me. Lemme rephrase that. You dont hang up on NOBODY when you in a position where ya ass can get blasted the fuck away at any second. All he had to do is say his fuckin name. I know that woulda took away from his pride, cuz I'm sposed know his voice from jump...but the TV was loud as shit, and I wasnt even focused on the phone cuz I was doin my EnglishComp paper, so dont get all pissy wit me cuz I can't hear ya punk ass. I'm mad.

*S.F.I.=Stupid Fucks Incorporated.


the ash crusades


Theres this chick in my Public Speakin class who must have a mortal fear of lotion. Now, I know we are ALL ashy at sometime in life. It happens. But if you're like me, you remedy the situation, cocoa butter, body creme, baby oil, vasaline and maybe even Crisco (the trick to that is not lettin ya Moms see you wastin her cookin' oil on ya rough ass elephant skin knees). Anyway, today she came and sat by me with her Crocs on. I looked down, outta habit to see just how ashy she was today. My eyes were bigger than Tracee Ellis Ross's. I bullshit you not. Why, You ask? Because today when I looked, there was no ordinary ash there. This was some Gospel Of John-End Of Days type ash. The shit had a fuckin GLOW to it. I honestly thought she was wearin stockins. So I did what any self respectin person of no ash would do.

SNAPPED A PIC. I added the arrow for ya'll to witness the aura of her ash. If you cant see the glow on that fuckin' foot, I demand you go to Lenscrafters.com and get you some seein device. Throughout the duration of the class, after I took that pic...her feet mysteriously dissapeared, and I couldnt see them in plain view anymore. So un-ashified people of the world, unite. We cant let these flaky footed, alligator skinned, baby turtle shell-elbow havin muthafuckas take over! I'm on a crusade to rid the world of ashiness, one foot at a time.


blogger jackin

So, I stole this from the lovely and talented Mr. Charles' blog. Im not sleepy yet, and instead of doin somethin constructive, I decided to go'head and grace ya'll with a nice, concise list of my firsts....

First crush: My First crush was wayyy back in about 5th grade, a boy named Robert. I distinctly remember crushin' on him because we had the same black and white patent leather Jordans. Sad huh?

First kiss: 3rd grade. That was back in the "boys got cooties" era of life, so I don't know how he managed to kiss me without me deckin his lil raunchy ass. After he kissed me on the cheek, he pushed me in the dirt though.

First Date: Date, Shmate. I cant remember any significant dates. Cuz back in those younger middleschool days, a date coulda been ANYTHING. Shit, walkin to the park was a date.

First 'relationship': Now, I've had about 49565854 boyfriends, but I can only count about two relationships. Anyway, my junior year of highschool. That was one of those love/hate things. Well actually...it was a hate/hate. We very rarely sat down and talked, it was usually me screamin at the top of my lungs, hangin up a cellphone and him throwin fuckin sticks at my window at 4AM to get me to talk to him again. *shrugs

First job: Laugh all you want. I've only had one job. Ever. It was at this place called Alorica Inc, and I was a Gateway Computer Tech Support Agent (which is French for-"unhelpful mothafucka") We were SUPPOSED to help customers that called in and had problems with their PC's but I usually just transfered my calls to someone else, cause those mothafuckas try to get irate. I quit before I got fired, I knew it was comin because I told this one cat that he shoulda got a Dell. [note:sorry if one of ya'll got Gateway and called in for tech support and recieved no help. my bad. well im not really sorry but...you know]

First paycheck: From Alorica. It was a nice lil $300.00 check. I bought some Cartier shades that I sat on and smashed two days later. Musta been Karma.

First love: Wooo! Anthony Burton. To this day I STILL love that boy. Well ... not "in" love, but I got so much love for that nigga it borders on obsession. That is, and always will be my baby.

First...you know...: Can't help but laugh at this atrocity. I was 15 turnin 16. My dumbass thought I was grown, tryna hang with my cousin. Anyways there was a boy who shall remain nameless, he was 17. He was Cuban and Black. He had wavy hair. That was enough to get me on my cousins patio, on a big ass lawn chair screamin for the dear Lord. I don't know how he stayed hard with me yellin like a banshee and sayin "OW!" every 5 seconds.

First time high: 8th grade. My friends parents owned a club and they were NEVER home, so we'd all be at her house. Her older brothers friends were on the back porch gettin faded. We watched them, then sprinkled weed on a crushed up sprite can and waved the lighter over the weed and sucked the smoke through the part you drink out of the can. In hindsight, we musta looked like a buncha crack-hypes. Then there was the time I popped a thizz (X pill). I said that shit was for white folks & I'd never do it. This is gonna sound bad, but that was a ...good high, I came home and cleaned up the whole house, washed my car and cleaned it out and was WIRED till about 5pm the next day.

First time drunk: 8th grade again. We had a friend that was a senior in highschool and he'd get us drunk and then we'd bounce. I remember takin shots of Wild Turkey and Paul Masson like that shit was WATER. I mighta even been a slight alcoholic then, cause we used to mix Vodka up in soda bottles and drink it at school.

First shoes: These smallll blue, felt Oshkosh kicks. We still got em around here somewhere.

First major accomplishment: When they fucked up in a major way and made me editor of the school newspaper in middle school. Then of course Graduatin'. Then actually MAKIN it to graduation without bein pregnant/or havin a baby (cause these clucks around here usually are pregnant by age 16 or 17).

First place I went when I got my license: What is this license you speak of? Nah. I went the same places I went when I DIDN'T have a license. lol.

First MAJOR road trip by myself: Man. FUNNEST SHIT EVER. Went to Fort Ustis, VA, VA Beach, Newport News VA, B-more, MD, DC-MARYLAND, some lil hick town in NJ, and of COURSE NY. That was the funnest summer of my life yo.


*punches keyboard*

...There are no words to describe my pisstivity right now. So, I'm tryna burn me another copy of Confessions to listen to in the tub. Real Player decides it wants to be a slut-bag and not work. Keeps freezin. Then my start button and tool bar go off on a trickfest. Lil ol short tempered me snatches up the nearest thing ...which happened to be a pen, and hurled that bitch at my screen in frustration. Dell makes some ol faggoty soft ass screens. I now have a crack in my computer screen and a red line goin down it lookin like a fuckin scanner in the Walmart Produce aisle. Next, somebody called my phone a few seconds ago. They ain't block the number, so I'm guessin its somebody I know just tryna be funny...anyways in a wack ass British accent, they said "Dominique", somethin and then asked me a question. I said "ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!" you know, that rabid animal/groan sound that people make from time to time? Thats the sound I made. My anger problems are gettin the best of me right now.

pardon my hostility...

But GOTDAMMIT, blogger youse a raggedy ho. My creativity feels seriously stifled around here. These templates are ass-clown shit & I don't like none of em. I like change. I wanna change my template accordin to my mood. I know ya'll gave me some sites to help get a template, but they ain't work out. I wanna make my own damn banner to go at the top, and I DONT want this weak ass format. I get tired of lookin at it. (-_-) <-- my face right now.


a reason to live!

*tries to contain excitement. If you've been on the planet for the past year or two, I'm sure you've seen the JUGGERNAUT video. This is my ALL TIME favorite You Tube clip, better than the Chicken Noodle Soup Dance, AND Hov's HP commercial. So comin soon J2, Juggment day will be on You Tube and I'll be squeezin my butt cheeks in anticipation until then. Thank you.