7.14.2006

If I Was President...

Remember in elementary school when they would have you write lil papers like "If I was president" or "If I could wish for anything in the world"...Yeah, I went to public school, but we wrote one of those "If I was president papers". Lookin back on that shit, I have to say we got bamboozled, hoodwinked, ran amok and led a damn stray. Just for the sake of this post though, I'll entertain that foolish ass notion that I, in all my two types of negro ('regular' negro/island negro) could be president.

If I was president...

I'd stay the fuck outta Lebanon and Israel right now-Cause I feel as though the US is about to get that itch and try to go save them Middle-East fools. I say let them muthafuckas blow eachother up. I'm sure when the Watts riots broke out, they wasn't sendin no troops over here to try and help some shit.


I'd also get the fuck outta Iraq. The jig is up. Niggas know we ain't over there for no "weapons of mass destruction", unless "weapons of mass destruction"=oil.

I would NOT fuck with North Korea. Them ma'fuckas is just cravin to sit there aint eat they Kim Chee and Sea Weed and blow some shit to high hell. Kim Jong got a shortman complex outta this world, so where he lackin' in dick size, he tryna make up for in missles. Ya'll president want people to think he ain't gon do nothin. Well, I dont believe you, you need more people.


I would make a national "beat up a white police cop day". Even the innocent ones, just to let em know what would go down if they even tried that racial profile, "i'm-pullin-u-over-cuz-u-got-a-dim-tail-light-but-really-i-just-wanna-send-a-darkie-to-jail-tonight" type shit.


I would make these schools teach the kids some real knowledge. Shit like who really discovered America, who Marcus Garvey was (not just the part where they teach "he wanted niggas to go back to Africa", cuz thats basically what they taught us). Angela Davis, Mumia Abu Jamal, Huey P. Newton...etc. Cuz really, who gives a fuck about Alexander Graham Bell and Ben Franklin and the rest of them caucazoids?


I'd cut BET off. Entirely. It would be banned. Seriously. That is Coon Central over there. Imagine if you didn't know shit about black people, then you watched BET for a whole entire day. You see where I'm goin? Good.


I'd make room in the federal budget to inform niggas about grillz. Grillz are played out kiddies. Whats the point in gettin em? You'll have a REAL nice grill when you 60+...one of those all white, poly-grip grillz anyway. Whats so wrong with some nice straight white teeth?

Oh yeah. I'd deport everybody in G-Unit to Lebanon. Right now.

Mexicans hoppin the border? Nuh-uh. I'd have a couple inmates from the Lousiana state pen standin by the gate that would make Pablo 'nem turn around and take they fucking hot tamales with em.

I guess I might as well make a few jigs happy and legalize Marijuana. Just smoke that shit inside your house is all I'm askin.

I would elect nothin but my family to my cabinet. Cause we just that fuckin ill.

I'd get elected on Friday.

Assasinated on Saturday.

Buried on Sunday.



NOW, WHO WANTS TO WRITE MY NAME ON THE BALLOT?! =)

14 Comments:

Blogger Teej said...

President Niquey....nah we'd just have to put bulletproof body armor on you and a bulletproof helmet. You'd turn this bitch around in no time!!!!

3:34 AM  
Blogger Redstallyun said...

Girl, you are hilarious!I'll vote for ya- only if you promise to fuck up the ballot vote- a couple few times in your lil cousin's electoral state umkay? Uhhh, wait- was yo' Daddy ever President??

9:23 AM  
Blogger The Sarccastik Variable Why said...

u are a nut...i would vote for you...i would agree with the G-unit...send they as to lebanon...jerusalem somewhere, let them start beef with everybody over there...grillz...i don't know how or why they are a big hit...they are as bad as those big ass crowns in your car...i never had one i thought they were always lame...i saw some fool with one last week...i just shook my head at him...damn fool..BETJ is the only bet station i'll keep...

11:48 AM  
Blogger JoJo D. said...

Girl, you are the real deal! Can I be your Vice Pres.?

Fucking BET is scum. Scum Central. I didn't realize how low Black people's mentalities are. I might sound crazy when I say that, but...

12:58 PM  
Blogger Charles said...

Yo...can I be your VP!!?? Fa real...I'm feelin it all...'specially sendin G Unit's Wanksta asses over to lebanon. And somebody get rid of BET alfuckinready!! I'm tired of hearing people talk about Black Exploitation Television like that. That does not depict us at all as a culture. And someone please...please...PLEASE get rid of grillz...now girls are getting them...and this shit has to stop.

1:29 PM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

u HAVE MY VOTE!!!NIQUE FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!VOTE OR DIE

2:43 PM  
Blogger Nika Laqui said...

Ok, someone already wants to be your VP, can I be your Condeleeza?

But I'm wearin my grill sorry...just when we on TV, ok?...*lol*

4:24 PM  
Blogger Nique=Dope. said...

LoL ya'll might be crazier than I am=/

11:46 PM  
Blogger S. Monarch said...

C'mon girli, all I'm sayin is make me the Secretary of Labor cause we gotta make some of these lazy ass muhfukkas work, or betta yet, Secretary of the Treasury. I dare some dumb ass to come up talking bout they need money for something stupid. Nobody fucks wit mah money man!

3:50 PM  
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