i shoulda dropped this cop...

Picture this. Nice sunny day, bout 90 degrees. I live RIGHT next door to a car wash..I'm talkin about no more than 10 feet if you climb out my window. It also just happens to be the most crunkdafied car-wash on the Middle-East side, which I think is due to me livin so close to it...but thats neither here nor there =x. So anyway, me in my "Its Hard Out Here For A Pimp", tee and some B-Ball shorts, lookin THUGGED THE FUCK OUT heads over to the car wash. Now, mind you...its still daylight, so this is when the *W.F.'s are out, you know negros run from the sun-light. Anyway I proceed to wash my car, then I drive to the vaccuum cleaner. So you know me, I got my music up to like 3 notches below the maximum. Why? Cause FUCK the law, thats why! We have this gay ass "Noise Pollution" law here, where the Clops--I mean cops, can give you a ticket if your shit is so many decibals high. My thing is, how the fuck they know how many decibals MY shit is? Back to the story though. Theres a white boy like 3 cleaners down from me, sound like he playin "The AmityVille Horror" Soundtrack or some shit...its some ol "RAHHHHHHH! ZOOBAAAAH! DEVIL TAKE ME AWAYY!!" type rock music. It is loud.as.fuck. So, I'm shoulder leanin' and vaccuumin, and then I see the piggly wiggly. I aint thinkin shit about em...again, why? CAUSE FUCK EM! Thats why! So the oinker jumps out they ol faggot ass SCOOP WAGON (we call em scoop-wagons cause they STAY scoopin niggas up and droppin em in the back of them shits!) And he proceeds to me. Now, I dont know if its cause it was sunny, or cause his neck is just red...but this muthafucka had THE REDDEST NECK I have ever seen in my LIFE. I sighed. He said "Are you aware of the Kansas noise law...blah blah" I'm like yeah. He looks at me for a full like 45 seconds. I think this is where hes makin assumptions in his head...like "She looks like one of those gang-bangin, negro females". Then he TELLS me to turn my music down. I don't like bein told to do shit. I look to the left and 666-the omen-devil-music-white-boy's music is still goin strong. Then he does the drivers license, registration thing...comes back and is like "You go to KU?" I hate the police yo, I admit I could be cordial to em. But most of em are fuckin pigs. Like this one. I go "Is that gonna get this ticket cleared?" He said "No", and I said "Well write the ticket then", he gives me the sneer...like a Elvis lip spasm thang goin. He says "The people in that *points to my house* are probably the ones who called me over here. Not everyone wants to hear your music". I say "The people who live there didnt call you. Because I live there", he double takes at my drivers license. I shut his fat ass up. Then I say "Are you gonna write that guy a ticket too? Maybe everyone doesnt wanna hear Def Zebra"...I fucked the name up on purpose, just to see if I could get a rise out of him. "I don't think thats Def LEPPARD, and its not your business if I write it", I told him I wasn't signin that ticket unless he told Whitey-Mcwhite pants to turn his shit down, or write him a ticket. "You know I can get you for obstruction of justice, don't you?". How fuckin dumb did this piglet think I was? Cmon. I told him flat out. "No you can't. My Dad is a lawyer, and I know the law well enough to know when you can and cannot get me for obstruction". Thats clearly a lie. My Pops sells fuckin luxury/sports cars. Whatever. Tom-ay-to. Tom-ah-to. He writes the rest of the ticket, snatches it off the clip board, and informs me that I don't have to sign. Which I already know. I signed it though. Because I knew my claim wouldnt hold up shit in court. Piggy McFatback gets back in his cruiser. I'm mean muggin the fuck outta him with this $190.00 ticket in my hand. Then he reaches down, grabs a clip board with the bright yellow ticket paper on it...and heads over to Whitey Mcwhite pants. Mission-a-fuckin-complished. I hate the pigs yo. I kinda think Mcwhite pants called the cops on me. Cause he WAS on his cell phone and got off a few seconds before the Lo-Pice came. So he got a ticket. I wonder what woulda happened if I woulda been wearin a "Stop Snitchin" shirt.

*W.F.'s=white folks.


Blogger Teej said...

wow...nique you are sooo after my own heart. i swear you are.

'Why? Cause FUCK the law, thats why!'....LMAO!

'Def Zebra'?!?!?!? You are a fucking riot!

4:21 AM  
Blogger The Sarccastik Variable Why said...

def zebra..that's funny...are you serious a law about your music...that's crazy

crazy talk

8:49 AM  
Blogger Redstallyun said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:27 AM  
Blogger Redstallyun said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:27 AM  
Blogger Charles said...

You are too funny. I feel you on everything too. They have a law down at the beach here about music and using profane language. First fucking ammendment dammit. I say what the fucc I want! Hahahaha....it woulda been alot funnier if you had a "stop snitchin, stop lying" shirt on though. Hahahahaha...you're a trip.

12:08 PM  
Blogger Redstallyun said...

Them Boyz ain't no joke. I went to jail in LoneJack- do that even sound like somewhere you wanna be? The sign into town said- Pop.500- ALL WHITE PEOPLE!I swear fo' Jesus, I thought they was gone beat us up and thro' us in the woods- I woulda been fine with that- bein that it was 3:30a.m. and I was 19yrs. old. They asked me what I was studying after they saw my college id. What the fuck does it matter-I'm handcuffed, which means I'm goin to jail? Damn drugs!

12:58 PM  
Blogger Redstallyun said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12:58 PM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

Its true in some places...and i cant blame the ppl tha live near car washes.......i try to be respectable cuz with everybody bumping their shit all it is a bunch of noise...

2:11 PM  
Blogger wun_knight said...

Damn!!!! I applaud you standing up for your beliefs. When I was younger I did the same thang. It kinda helped because my Moms worked at Cook County before doing the whole Electronic Monitoring thang.
I think back then I woulda said something like, "Muhfukah this ain't noise pollution. This shyt just reached #2 on Billboard's top 100.
[Pointin' at the clear boy]
Now the shyt that muhfuckah's playin'...I don't know. We gon' have to break out the RollingStone on that one."

3:17 PM  
Blogger jk with an E said...

i once got a ticket for "boom box violation"... back then i had a STOCK stereo with STOCK speakers... yeah, that was real possible.

anyway, i'm glad you stood up to the "lo-pice"... in an intelligent manner.

11:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

R U serious you ain't a pimp.. That is the lamest, thing I've heard since I moved here...

4:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excellent, love it! Mazda 6 supercharger Printer dock travel bag Whitakers wheel and tire Valtrex prices compare cheapest Control f or eczema Amateurs satellite watching Honda internet sales colorado

7:13 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home