6.14.2006

the ash crusades

PART I.

Theres this chick in my Public Speakin class who must have a mortal fear of lotion. Now, I know we are ALL ashy at sometime in life. It happens. But if you're like me, you remedy the situation, cocoa butter, body creme, baby oil, vasaline and maybe even Crisco (the trick to that is not lettin ya Moms see you wastin her cookin' oil on ya rough ass elephant skin knees). Anyway, today she came and sat by me with her Crocs on. I looked down, outta habit to see just how ashy she was today. My eyes were bigger than Tracee Ellis Ross's. I bullshit you not. Why, You ask? Because today when I looked, there was no ordinary ash there. This was some Gospel Of John-End Of Days type ash. The shit had a fuckin GLOW to it. I honestly thought she was wearin stockins. So I did what any self respectin person of no ash would do.

SNAPPED A PIC. I added the arrow for ya'll to witness the aura of her ash. If you cant see the glow on that fuckin' foot, I demand you go to Lenscrafters.com and get you some seein device. Throughout the duration of the class, after I took that pic...her feet mysteriously dissapeared, and I couldnt see them in plain view anymore. So un-ashified people of the world, unite. We cant let these flaky footed, alligator skinned, baby turtle shell-elbow havin muthafuckas take over! I'm on a crusade to rid the world of ashiness, one foot at a time.

10 Comments:

Blogger wun_knight said...

DAMN!!!

As I am laughing my ass off at this blog, I notice my own hands and shyt. I try to remember when, in the last 4 hours, did I bake cookies?!?!?! My shyts were a little ashy themselves, but I would be damned if I would leave the house in sandals, or whatever that displayed my feet in such a manner as your higher-learning-crusader-in-arms there.

3:11 AM  
Blogger thee modern isis said...

lol yeah it's a great dead you're doing for the world. Almighty Ash Avenger. lol I seen a few people that looked like they were leanin an rockin in saltwater... and when they follow ya eyes to see what you're starin at. They wanna look down an try an hide it. wdf.. how can you hide boa constrictor printed elbows?

8:18 AM  
Blogger Redstallyun said...

ROFL! I can't STAND a ashy mufucka! "preserve yo' sexy" as P.Diddy would say. That's my area of concentration- you WILL NOT catch me slippin like that- keep lotion in the purse, desk, and car durin the summer. I do ash checks before I get out the car- and I ain't gone lie- I've had to step back in the Accord to APPLY! And if you ain't got no lotion- Carmex works wonders- on whateva.

10:12 AM  
Blogger Redstallyun said...

WHY did I just start singin the song from "The Last Dragon"?(Bruce LEROY and SHONUFF- the shogun of HA'LEM) You got that glowwww!!

10:14 AM  
Blogger Nique=Dope. said...

Ya'll are hilarious yo! Lmao.



LEEEEEEEEEEEEROYYYYYYYY....

10:29 AM  
Blogger Honey-Libra said...

LOL...I snap pics of people too. I thought of doing a blog about my camera phone pics cause some of these people be killin em LOL

10:37 AM  
Blogger JerseyTjej said...

That shit is PAST ashy! I could file my nails on that badboy...Ugh!

11:17 AM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

*DEAD* thank god for camera phones..........I too can't stand ashy ass negroes...and them light skinned ppl that think they dont get ashy.....i stay carrying lotion and will put some on somebody else in a quickenss or mention it..and i hate when dudes think they are FLYY as hell and tehy got ashy ankles, elbows, and knees....

11:40 AM  
Blogger Charles said...

I'm so mad at the pic!!! That's too damn hilarious. I always have my phone on me, so I gotsta be takin pics too of some of the triflin people I run into everyday. But yeah, help hom'gurl out and offer some heavy duty intensive care therapy. That joint looks like a shedding alligator...

11:46 AM  
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8:59 PM  

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